I grew up in a Christian home. Thanks to my father's job, I met a lot of giants of the faith, and they knew me by my first name. I can't remember a time growing up that I didn't go to church. I accepted Christ as my savior in 1964. I was baptized by my father. The concept of "Once Saved, Always Saved" was the key to my life going forward.
During my junior high school days, I was bullied a lot by my fellow students. Every day. Mostly physical abuse but also mental. I was told I was a loser. I got picked last for all recess events. Even up to the 1980's, I was picked last for sports. In the late 1960's, despite having psychiatric counseling, I sank into deep depression. By 1969, I had tried to kill myself six times. In 1970, my parents and I joined another church. I met some kids who changed my life. They taught me love and acceptance. Two things that I had not gotten from my peers at school. I started coming out of my shell and began smiling again. I also took Drama classes at Columbia College and discovered I might have a talent in acting. After all, I pretended a lot to escape the horrors of bullying, so acting was an extension of that. I could be someone else.
I went on to college. I found that I could excel in Speech and Drama. During my sophomore year at Anderson College, I got several awards and people applauded. Two more things I hadn't gotten before. I found that applause was a drug. I craved applause, and I got it. Unfortunately, I also craved other stuff too. The big five: Smoking, Alcohol, Drugs, Pornography and Cussing like a Sailor. I discovered smoking, when I was 14. Pornography: when I was 8. Drugs: when I was 18. Alcohol: when I was 20. Cussing: when I was 16. I led a lot of secret lives, but according to my faith, I was saved.
The college trip to Europe was eye-opening. I saw many things like poverty and danger. I also understood what it was like to be needed by others. I then transferred to PC and majored in Drama. I also got involved in activism and student government. The applause continued. I took a year off after college to save for graduate school at a seminary that my parents had attended. My goal was to teach Theatre in a Christian college somewhere. Despite some at the seminary trying to get me kicked out for not being conservative enough, I graduated as the first student ever to major in Christian Drama/Communications. I was one of four Christian dramatists in the country at that time. I got offers from several schools to teach, but they all wanted me to sign a paper agreeing with ten principles. I couldn't do it, and those doors started to close. I stayed in Fort Worth an extra year, because I was in love. That door closed, too. I was also drinking heavily during this time, consuming a six pack of beer and a quart of vodka a day.
I moved back to Columbia and stayed with my parents to become their caregiver while working in jobs. I had worked in retail in Ft. Worth and Columbia previously, but I found that I had success in retail. Everything I touched was a success. Awards started coming again. I also developed some Bible-character monologues, which I presented in churches and camps. I wrote a series of puppet shows that we took on mission trips to Philadelphia and Tennessee. I stopped smoking and drinking in 1984. I had a short relapse in 1999 but then stopped for good. I stopped doing drugs in 1981, although I got high at a concert in 1997 and saw a UFO in the sky. I then stopped for good. The other two things continued.
I was also acting in movies and TV. I worked with a lot of great people like Burt Lancaster, Kris Kristofferson, Gary Oldman, and Dennis Hopper. I met a lot of famous people like Charlton Heston, George Clooney, Jack Palance, Halle Berry, Susan Clark and many more. I met musicians like Roger McGuinn, BB King, Micky Dolenz, Gary Lewis, Jim Sonefeld and more. I wrote songs for a band called The Cobbwebs, and we had some success in Europe.
My retail life was coming to an end. Despite my successes and awards, I hadn't gotten a raise in four years. A friend invited me to move to Greenville, and I jumped at the chance. I didn't have a job, but I could start a new life. That ended a year later. I moved back to Columbia with some money but no job. I stayed in motels for six months, until that money ran out. I became severely depressed again and tried to kill myself by hanging. As I was about to pass out, I heard an audible voice tell me: "Stop! I have more for you to do." That was followed in my head by the hymn "I Surrender All". "All to Jesus, I surrender. All to him I freely give." I began to loosen the sheet from my neck and started crying. At that moment, the other two vices didn't seem important anymore.
The next day, I became officially homeless. I went to see someone at church but just cried throughout the meeting. I no longer had a car (it blew up). I didn't have a job. I slept in a shelter and then on the street. Every night, before I tried to sleep, I prayed to God to deliver me out of this hell. He told me to affirm Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." Those became my life verses. One day, I was rescued off of the street by some very kind people. I started getting help for my physical and mental needs.
In 2012, another group took over my recovery with some in depth mental treatment. God showed me what I was to do next by being an advocate for bus riders in the Columbia area. He stood by me, while we got a lot of things accomplished for the good of the riders. He held my hand, when I needed Him. I learned about unconditional love. No matter what I had done in the past, that was gone. I could be a force for good. I was redeemed by the grace of God. In 2009, I lost everything. In 2009, I gained everything. I was just going through the motions. Now, I am a new creation. I used to have an ego as big as all outdoors. Now, none of that matters. I can look back on my laurels with a smile. I can look forward knowing what does matter. God spared my life on many occasions. I was just too stupid to see it, until now. "Jesus loves me. This I know. 'Cause the Bible tells me so." I sang those words, when I was a child. I understand them now. Redeemed. It is an amazing feeling.
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