Frankfurt

  We had left Israel in 1973 with our lives.  It had been a scary few days with threats from terrorists, who we originally thought were our friends.  After we left Tel Aviv, we could relax on the plane as we flew onto Germany.  Our college History tour had already been too eventful, but we didn't know what was to come.  Our next stop was Frankfurt Airport for a layover before going onto Berlin.  

 When one has a lengthy wait in an airport, there are some things one can do to pass the time.  Sleep, eat, play games, stare at others, shop at overpriced stores, walk around, or just sit.  We got to Frankfurt just before lunch and looked for the food court.  We hadn't had hamburgers, since we left the States, we found a restaurant that made them.  They were a little expensive for 1973 food, but it really didn't matter.  Hamburgers, French Fries and Cokes were like heaven for the five of us students.  

 As we were hanging around in the food court, our tour director Mr. Vivian suggested that Talula, Sandra and I recreate a scene from our college play "Blithe Spirit" to entertain the others in our group and the passengers around us, so we did.  It was a little weird without ghost makeup on Sandra and Talula, but we did it.  When it was over, everyone clapped.  I wasn't sure if the other passengers around us understood our language, but we drew a crowd.  The airport police came around and dispersed everyone.  We were just trying to relieve the boredom of waiting in a strange airport for several hours.

 Eventually, the plane for Berlin was waiting to leave.  We found out why the delay was so long.  They were waiting for East German pilots to fly us into Berlin due to the security around the airport.  I guess I can say that I have acted in Germany, at least for a few minutes.  

Toilet

  When Ted Turner was visiting the Soviet Union, he was staying at a hotel in Moscow.  He was very worried about listening devices in his room.  Upon checking in, he found a bump under the rug in his room and figured it was a device, so he raised up the rug to find a metal plate screwed to the floor.  He got a knife and unscrewed it.  He heard a crash from the room below.  It turned out that the metal plate held the light fixture to the ceiling of the other room.

 I told that story, because of something that happened to me while staying at Ravenwood Apartments in Forest Acres.  One night, my toilet overflowed in the bathroom.  I was trying to sop up the water with towels, when I heard a knock on my door.  It was the apartment manager.  She had gotten a call from the people who lived below me.  The light fixture in their bathroom was filling up with water and was about to burst.  I had no idea that the water from my toilet had seeped through the tiles of my bathroom and into their light fixture.  I learned that night that my tiles shared a ceiling with their apartment.  I apologized profusely to my neighbors, and we got everything fixed.  

 I can't say they were as gracious as me.  I had to pay for a new bulb for them.  I suppose it could have been much worse, like my toilet crashing through the tile into their bathroom.  Watch The Three Stooges episode about them being plumbers.  You will get the idea.  Thankfully, my apartment now only has one floor, and the tile doesn't leak.

Diamonds

   After I was caught shoplifting at J. B. White's at Richland Mall, and I told my parents it was the first time I had stolen something (which it wasn't), I told them I would never do it again.  I lied.

 Soon after that, I saw the Ian Fleming book "Diamonds Are Forever" in the store, and I wanted it.  For some reason, the paperback cover was sticky.  I took it anyway.  When I got home, my mother asked me how did I get it, if I didn't have any money?  I told her that I had found $3 in an envelope in the mall's parking lot.  I said that it was outside of a bank.  She asked why I didn't return it to the bank, and I said that it was finders keepers.  I told her that I used that money to pay for the book.  She didn't believe me, so she asked me again.  I told her the same story more than once.  Since it had a sticky cover, it stuck to some of my other books and damaged some.  I guess that was meant to be.  

 That still wasn't my last time stealing books.  Mother's Day was coming up, and I needed a present to give to her.  I found a Zip Code Directory at the store and took it for her.  When I gave it to her, she asked why I thought she would like it?  I told her that she wrote a lot of letters, and maybe it would come in handy.  She thanked me and gave it to me saying I needed it more than her.  I still have it.  I stopped shoplifting after that.

Stalking

  Another story where I hope the statute of limitations has run out.  When one looks at the core of my being, you will see that I am painfully shy.  It is one reason why I have never married.  I have loved girls from afar.  Some of the time, they may have an inkling of my feelings, but not to the extent that I have for them.  That is except for the 1st and 2nd grade.  Those two girlfriends don't really count.  In fact, when I left my 1st grade girlfriend for my 2nd grade one, my 1st grade girlfriend didn't speak to me anymore.

 Moving on to high school, I met this girl who didn't go to my school.  She was nice to me, which was something I lacked to have with other girls.  She was also very pretty.  I couldn't tell her how much I liked her because of my shyness, but I had butterflies in my stomach every time I thought about her.  So, in order to get close to her, I would call her house on the phone.  She would pick up and say hello.  I would hang up without saying anything, but I heard her voice.  It was nice.  I would drive by her house many times with hopes I would see her.  As time went on, we actually did go out a couple of times and still remain friends.  

 In college, I met this girl, and we became great friends.  In the beginning of our friendship, she was dating someone else.  She worked after school in Anderson, but she lived several miles out of town with her parents.  I knew what her work schedule was, so I would run the few miles to catch a glimpse of her car, as he was driving home.  It was very helpful to do this, because the run got me in great shape physically.  Later, we became very good friends.  Some might say lovers.  If a couple of things hadn't happened, I could have married her.  It wasn't meant to be.  I did gain confidence with her, mainly thanks to my acting experience.  I found I could be someone else with her despite my shyness.

 Then came Fort Worth.  I started liking this girl.  She lived a few blocks from the seminary.  Rather than walking the straight path to the mall, I would walk by her house.  Sometimes she would see me, and I would make up an excuse that it was a quieter walk to the mall that way.  She was kind of shy, too.  We hit it off and became drinking buddies.  We also worked together.  I stayed out in Fort Worth an extra year after graduation, because I was in love.  It was a love triangle.  She also liked another guy at the same time who was kind of abusive to her.  Life goes on, so I had to move back to South Carolina.  One of the saddest days of my life.

 In Columbia, there were two girls that had two things in common.  They both were very creative, and they both lived several miles from me.  I met them about ten years apart.  During each relationship, I would drive by their houses a lot.  I used up a lot of gas, but just to be close to them was enough for me.  One of those two actually worked for me, and I would change her schedule so that she and I would work the same shifts.

 I really don't think I was stalking these girls.  I was obsessed with them.  They made my life worth living.  Except for the last two, we are still friends.  I cherish that friendship.  

Frames

  One thing I have found out about myself is that I have a dry sense of humor.  I have also found that some people are gullible.  They don't understand when I am joking about something.  

 Case in point was a girl who worked for me at Belk, when I was a buyer.  I honestly don't know why she was hired for a job.  We had an HR person who hired a lot of pretty girls, so maybe he hired her.  At any rate, they put her to work nights and weekends in the Stationery Dept.  She was a senior in high school, and she told me that the only way she passed her courses was doing personal favors for her teachers, especially the male teachers.  I didn't doubt her claim for an instant.  

 One day, we got a bunch of picture frames for sale.  Most frames come with a stock photo of either people or places to make the frames attractive to the customers.  As we were unpacking a box one evening, she saw the pictures and remarked about the photos.  I told her that the people were my relatives, and the places in the photos were where they lived.  I then proceeded to make up stories about the people.  Because many of the pictures looked like they were taken in New England, the supposed relatives lived in Maine.  There were nice pictures of lighthouses and the coast.  I thought she would laugh about my stories, but she took it all in with amazement.  How could she be so gullible?  As it turned out, she was just not very smart.  I have to say that she was nice to look at, but I had to fire her for not being very bright.

 A couple of years later, I found out that she had gone on to Midlands Technical College to study to be a dental hygienist.  I pity whatever dentist hired her.  And especially, the patients she worked on.  I also wonder if she ever found herself in Maine to look up my relatives who were in the pictures.  

Dentist

  I don't like dentists.  I never have.  Thanks to my dislike of dentists, I have very few teeth left in my mouth.  I suppose I should get dentures, but I think I will die first before having to go to a dentist.

 When I was younger, my parents made me go to the dentist.  From all my visits, I should have had enough fillings to bring in BBC World Service on my teeth.  Thanks to my sweet tooth I always had cavities.  There was one visit in particular that was uneventful.

 My teenage dentist had an office at Trenholm Plaza.  He was also a deacon in his local Baptist church.  It seemed logical for me to go to him.  During one appointment with him he declared that I didn't have any cavities.  I was sure that he had a sudden loss of vision, but I went away happy.  When I got home, I told my parents what he said, and they were shocked and pleased at the same time.  A few days later, my parents got a bill in the mail from my dentist for $150.  What for?  I didn't have any cavities.  They called my dentist, and he said that I had to have a lot of dental work done while I was there, and that I cried when told how much the work had cost.

 So, my parents asked me about what the dentist had said.  Even though I used to lie to my parents a lot about my comings and goings, this time I had to tell the truth that the dentist was mistaken.  I didn't cry, and in fact had been thrilled that I didn't have any cavities.  My parents had a dilemma.  Do they trust their teenaged son who was a bit sketchy, or do they trust the dentist who was a Baptist deacon who had a fine reputation?  They went with me.  My parents told the dentist that they weren't going to pay the $150, and the dentist threatened to sue them in court.  

 As it turned out, his office people sent the wrong bill to my parents, and apparently this wasn't the first time this had happened to a patient of his.  The mistake was rectified, but my dentist didn't apologize, so my parents sent me to a different dentist after that fiasco.  My father, who was a bigwig in the Baptist denomination, told the pastor of the dentist's church what had happened.  Mysteriously, the dentist stopped being a deacon.  I imagine it wasn't the dentist's decision.  We all thought he was a good man.  He had a good reputation.  He smiled a lot.  

Chips

  Have you ever looked at an ant and wondered what it would taste like?  When I watch my cat eat outside, she won't come close to eating an ant.  She will eat a lizard or a mouse but not an ant.  People say that some bugs are good to eat, but ants are not one of them.  

 Back in the sixth grade, a kid came to school with some chocolate covered ants.  It just grossed us out.  He said they tasted pretty good.  We told him to prove it, so he ate one.  He didn't throw up, so on a dare I decided to give it a try.  One bite?  Just chocolate.  Two bites?  Just chocolate.  Then, I put the rest of the piece of chocolate in my mouth and bit down.  I felt a "crunch".  That was the ant.  It sort of felt like I was biting into a piece of potato chip covered in chocolate.  I swallowed it pretty quickly.  The other kids laughed, but I didn't throw up.  

 Years later, I lived in a bug-infested apartment.  I would wake up in the middle of the night with a moth in my mouth.  I don't think I ever ate a moth during the night, but I am pretty sure it would have been crunchy too.