I have alluded to this topic in other stories, but I thought it would be good to bring this subject to a close. Despite being branded as gay by some people, because I have never married, I have to say that I have been in love at least four times in my life with girls. One didn't know, because I was too shy to tell her. One did know, but it ended badly. One probably knew, when I said goodbye. And, one sort of knew, because I was persistent. I have had a couple of girls who loved me. One I am friends with. The other committed suicide. I thought it was my fault for many years, but I had to just let that go. At any rate, I am still single.
The first was a girl I met at church. She really seemed interested in me as a friend. I had never had someone of the opposite sex care about me as a person. I fell madly in love with her. I was in high school. She was incredibly smart in school and very creative. I couldn't eat. I had butterflies in my stomach. She gave me my first kiss. I just was too shy to tell her, even though there were people who knew my secret. Maybe she knew too, but she was seeing another guy. For about two years, I couldn't think about anyone but her. When I went to college, I started keeping a diary. I would end each entry with my declaration of love for her. Years later, I began to be her muse. She was doing plays, and I would promote her work. She was in a bad car wreck that broke several bones. I couldn't bring myself to see her, as she was pretty messed up. My father would visit her, as he was in the clergy. When I went off to seminary in Texas, she was going to graduate school in Florida. I got the bright idea one Saturday to drive there. It was only 12 hours there. I got as far as Shreveport and decided it was a dumb idea. After I got back from Texas, she had moved back home. We went out once and later on a mission trip together. A few years after that, she got married to a nice guy. They are still together and living in another state. We are still close friends.
One thing I have found out about myself is that I am attracted to girls who are smart, classy, and have style. So, when I met a girl like that at Anderson College, another love blossomed. It was my sophomore year. She was a local girl who was involved in Drama like me. We did everything together. One Sunday, I was home and called her. Her mother picked up the phone and told me that she was out with friends. That was unlike her to be out on a Sunday night. I found out later that she had met a guy who she liked. At that point, I was in a three-way relationship. I liked her. She liked me and the other guy. When she and I went to Europe as part of a college History trip, we spent just about every waking moment together. I was extremely jealous of any guy who came in contact with. On the train from Lucerne to Paris, she had her head in my lap. She looked up at me and mouthed the words "I Love You". I mouthed those words back at her, and she smiled. I was prepared to pop the question to her in Paris, but the time wasn't right. When we got to Barcelona, she wanted to call the other guy to tell him when to pick her up from the airport and to break it off with him. I don't know what he said to her on the phone, but when we were in the plane heading back home, she told me that she had decided to marry him. It was the longest eight hours of my life. I went to PC, and she went to another school. Every day, I would send her a letter. They started coming back return to sender. For a couple of years, it was pretty ugly. She got married, but I wasn't invited to the wedding. She told a friend that she was afraid that I would have objected in the ceremony, and I would have. Years later, we began corresponding once again. We are friends again. I am glad for that.
I have already written about my third love. That was Kare in Fort Worth. She kept me sane during a really crazy period in my life. Search for Kare in my blog.
The fourth love was a girl I worked with at Belk. She was incredibly funny and extremely creative. She was a writer. She sort of looked like Steffi Graf for all you tennis fans. She loved horses, and she taught me a lot about those graceful creatures. She ended up marrying a doctor, and she became a librarian.
I have had feelings for other girls over the years, but these four were the ones I was serious about. People keep telling me that I should always have hope of finding someone. Never say never, I guess.
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