The next day, my brother took me to the AAA garage. We were to meet with a junk dealer. He gave me $35 for my car and hauled it away. I had a lot of great memories in that car. A lot of places we went together. Now, it was gone.
My brother then took me out to Harbison to look for a job. He left me to walk that road from one end to the other. I went into just about every store looking for work. No one was hiring due to the recession. It would have been nice to have a sidewalk to be on, but the entire way was grass. (It still is) I went from Best Buy to Kohl's with no success. The employees at Ashley Furniture laughed at me, when I went into their store. No one was hiring.
As I left there, I saw a city bus turning left onto St. Andrews Road. I yelled out to the driver to see if she could pick me up. She pointed to a stop across the street, and I ran through traffic to get there. It was the first time I had been on a city bus in years. After a couple of transfers, I got downtown and caught another bus back to my brother's house. During my journey, I ran into a "friend". She told me that if my parents were alive, this situation of mine would kill them. She also told me that they were turning over in their graves over my situation. This comment put me into a deep round of depression.
After supper that night, I went upstairs to the guest bedroom in my brother's house. I tore a sheet and fashioned a noose around my neck. I squeezed the sheet tight around my neck. I had nothing left to live for. I didn't have a car. I couldn't find a job. I had no money. My parents were turning over in their graves. Tighter and tighter, I made the sheet. I had heard that one loses consciousness before dying when suffocating. I knew that from my close call in the freezer at White Oak. It is the body's way of making you comfortable. I was about to pass out, when I heard an audible voice. The voice said, "Stop! I have more for you to do." There was no one in the room but me. I knew that voice. I had heard it before. When I was called to the seminary. When I was doing something that I shouldn't do. When I needed comfort. I knew that voice.
Then, a song came into my mind. I knew the song from growing up in the church. We sung it during invitations at the end of services. The song was "I Surrender All". I heard those words in my head: "All to Jesus I surrender, All to Him I freely give; I will ever love and trust Him, In his presence daily live. I surrender all, I surrender all; All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, Make me, Savior, wholly thine; Let me feel thy Holy Spirit, Truly know that thou are mine. I surrender all, I surrender all, All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all. All to Jesus I surrender, Lord, I give myself to thee; Fill me with thy love and power, Let thy blessing fall on me. I surrender all, I surrender all, All to thee, my blessed Savior, I surrender all."
I began to sing that song in hushed tones. I could barely whisper from the effects of the sheet. I began to cry uncontrollably. I kept singing that song through my tears, over and over, until I fell asleep. I didn't know what God wanted me to do, but I had a spiritual awakening. Events like seeing a vision of Heaven at Camp Greenville. Meeting those kids at Kilbourne Park. Having that vision of a family at Anderson College. Writing Bible-character monologues and puppet shows for kids. God had something for me to do. One thing that I know for a fact is that God speaks to people all the time. You just have to listen.
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