I am taking time out of my life stories timeline to talk about someone and something that shaped my life for many years: Hugh M. Hefner and Playboy Magazine.
I was born just six months before Playboy was introduced with Marilyn Monroe on the first cover. It was 13 years later, when I saw my first issue of Playboy. I found a copy in the woods near Five Points and Maxcy Gregg Park at the railroad trestle. One of my favorite actresses, Sherry Jackson, was featured inside. It was an eye-opening moment in more ways than one. Whoever had left that magazine, continued to do so at that spot for me to find. Some of them had gotten wet with the rain, but they were still viewable, and no I was not reading the articles. As a big movie fan, I really liked seeing these pictures of actresses. It became something of an obsession for me. As stated in a previous blog, I did some shoplifting between the ages of 14-16. One of my favorite things to steal was Playboy. I didn't have to wait for the guy in the woods anymore. I could steal new copies. After looking at them, I left them in the woods near my house for someone else to find. They did. A kid in high school told me his father had all of the issues of Playboy locked in a shed behind his house. He and I tried to figure out how to break into the shed, but it was a combination lock, so we failed.
When I was 15, some boys from my church went on an outing to Atlanta. Our hotel was next door to the Playboy Club. We got to see bunnies swimming in the nude in the rooftop pool. Our hotel room was a few floors higher than the club.
Moving on to college, it was easier to get Playboys, because I could buy them at a local newsstand in Anderson. One of the actresses featured was Susan Clark. Shortly after her appearance, I found myself working with her on "The Midnight Man". While I was "dancing" with her, and she was cussing me out, I could only think about seeing her naked in Playboy. I even told her that I liked her pictures. She smiled, but still threatened to walk off of the picture if I had to dance with her. At PC, I had a centerfold tacked up on my dorm room wall of Playmate Martha Smith. She went on to play Babs in "Animal House". The centerfold stayed up until my father came to my room unannounced.
When I was working at Sanger Harris in Ft. Worth, Hope Olson came to the store for a personal appearance. She was a Playboy Playmate of the Month. She was nice and signed a picture for me and one for my friend.
Another thing Playboy did was to expose (no pun intended) to Americans about James Bond. I was already watching the movies, but Playboy would publish excerpts from the Ian Fleming books. So, I started reading those books, and I had complete sets in both US and UK pressings. They also had their own record company, and I bought all of the Barbi Benton releases.
There were times when I abandoned Playboy, especially as I got older. It wasn't so taboo anymore. But, I did have a close encounter with Hugh Hefner. About 20 years ago, I got my first computer. I was on it one night, going through chat rooms, and I found a chat hosted by Hefner. It was a legitimate chat. A lot of people were asking him questions about the Playmates, especially the more current ones. He was polite, but gave one or two word answers. I finally was able to ask a question, and I asked him about Marilyn Monroe. He was more than happy to answer my question with a complete sentence. I then called him "Hef", which was the name his friends called him, and we began a 10-minute chat of just him and me talking about old movies. He loved film noir, so we talked about that. I also told him about working with Burt Lancaster. He was interested in that story. I messed up though, when I asked Hef if he was going to put Amy Fisher in Playboy. He got mad and sat absolutely not. He then went on a rant about her, and he cut me off. For a while, I had made a connection with Hef. He was really a nice guy.
Some people call him a pariah. Others call him one who changed society. I prefer now to think of him more of a guy who was one of a kind. He did things his way. Although I don't condone a lot of what he did, Playboy and me are the same age. We are both a bit worse for wear. Rest in Peace, Hef.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
River Race
A radio station in Columbia in 1980 on a Saturday sponsored a river race down the Congaree in Columbia. The main rule was that the boat had to be homemade. You could use wood and floats, but nothing professional. Those of us at the Census thought it would be fun if we entered.
We built our "boat" out of plywood and inner tubes. We tested it out and found that it would float with four people on it, so we loaded it on a car and headed to the starting line which was upstream from the city. We were on the West Columbia side and put it into the water. It was also important that this craft held our cooler full of beer.
As we were floating in the current, it was hot but the beer was cold. We started drinking and really didn't care anymore about winning the race. We got into the waters of the Congaree River and quickly ran into two problems. First, the rocks in the river caused us to get hung up. The Congaree is not very deep, so we had one of our crew responsible for jumping out and getting us off the rocks. That was a full-time job. The second problem was that the plywood was falling apart. It became clear that we would not make it to the finish line.
Another thing we learned was that the Congaree did not fall under any local police jurisdiction. As long as we stayed in the river, we could drink and smoke dope as much as we liked. The problem was that we had to get off of the river, especially with our "boat" falling apart. We were coming under a railroad trestle and saw officers taking pictures and making notes of offenders. We decided to make our landing in a part of the shore we knew the police would not be waiting for us, so we made land in some woods on the Cayce side.
We gave up on hauling our "boat" up the hill from the water, so we just left it to sink. We got up the hill from the river and found a guy with a van. Three of us asked him to take us back to our cars, which were parked at Brookland Cayce High School. He was nice to do so, especially because we were all stoned and drunk, and we were trying to evade the police.
I got to the school and proceeded to break into the school looking for a bathroom. I got in through an open window to take care of business. When I finished and was walking around the building, my friends were waiting for me in the parking lot. Just then, a Cayce police car pulled up. The officer got out and approached us. He asked one friend, "Son, have you been drinking?" My friend replied, "No, sir". He was immediately arrested. He then asked my other friend the same thing. My friend replied the same way, and he was arrested. He then asked me the same thing. I replied the same way, but he didn't arrest me. To this day, I don't know why I was not arrested. He let me get in my car and drive home. I was scared straight. I still did it a few times after that, but not binging. I am just glad that the officer didn't ask about the open window at the school.
We built our "boat" out of plywood and inner tubes. We tested it out and found that it would float with four people on it, so we loaded it on a car and headed to the starting line which was upstream from the city. We were on the West Columbia side and put it into the water. It was also important that this craft held our cooler full of beer.
As we were floating in the current, it was hot but the beer was cold. We started drinking and really didn't care anymore about winning the race. We got into the waters of the Congaree River and quickly ran into two problems. First, the rocks in the river caused us to get hung up. The Congaree is not very deep, so we had one of our crew responsible for jumping out and getting us off the rocks. That was a full-time job. The second problem was that the plywood was falling apart. It became clear that we would not make it to the finish line.
Another thing we learned was that the Congaree did not fall under any local police jurisdiction. As long as we stayed in the river, we could drink and smoke dope as much as we liked. The problem was that we had to get off of the river, especially with our "boat" falling apart. We were coming under a railroad trestle and saw officers taking pictures and making notes of offenders. We decided to make our landing in a part of the shore we knew the police would not be waiting for us, so we made land in some woods on the Cayce side.
We gave up on hauling our "boat" up the hill from the water, so we just left it to sink. We got up the hill from the river and found a guy with a van. Three of us asked him to take us back to our cars, which were parked at Brookland Cayce High School. He was nice to do so, especially because we were all stoned and drunk, and we were trying to evade the police.
I got to the school and proceeded to break into the school looking for a bathroom. I got in through an open window to take care of business. When I finished and was walking around the building, my friends were waiting for me in the parking lot. Just then, a Cayce police car pulled up. The officer got out and approached us. He asked one friend, "Son, have you been drinking?" My friend replied, "No, sir". He was immediately arrested. He then asked my other friend the same thing. My friend replied the same way, and he was arrested. He then asked me the same thing. I replied the same way, but he didn't arrest me. To this day, I don't know why I was not arrested. He let me get in my car and drive home. I was scared straight. I still did it a few times after that, but not binging. I am just glad that the officer didn't ask about the open window at the school.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
NYC
I guess it does seem that we did a lot on our afternoons off while in Philly, and I guess we did. The highlight of our time off was to go to New York City. We left Philadelphia early one afternoon and rode in the van to the city.
We were on the New Jersey Turnpike, when our van driver decided he was getting tired. He didn't want to pull over, because we were following another vehicle and didn't want to get lost. So, as we were going 70mph, another guy in the front seat said he would switch with him. The second guy got on the lap of the driver as the driver inched out from under him. The switch was made while all of us passengers thought we were going to die. We all had to promise never to tell anyone in the other car what we had done. We were too speechless to say anything to anyone. I do not recommend that procedure to anyone.
We got to the city and began to look around. One of the sites we went to was the World Trade Center. This was 1980, and the WTC had not been up for very long. We went up to the top of one of the towers to their restaurant. We got to look out of the windows, where one could see several states and the harbor. We stood on the railings to look straight down on the city below. After 9/11, I have wondered if anyone working there was killed some 21 years later. I hope not.
We left there and went up towards Broadway. We went to a Theatre shop, and I got an order form for Broadway t-shirts. After I got home, I ordered 3 shirts. I still have them today, although one doesn't fit anymore. The shirts were: NYC Shakespeare Festival, Beatlemania, and I'm Getting My Act Together and Taking It on the Road.
Then, we went to dinner at Mama Leone's in the Theatre District. It was a beautiful Italian restaurant complete with violins. We had a 22-course meal over a 3-hour period. Granted, most of the courses came in small bowls surrounded by the entrée, but they just kept bringing the food. After it was over, I could barely walk. If someone had a hand truck, I would have gladly had them wheel me back to our van. Just as we were leaving the restaurant, some boys tried to rob us, but we told them we didn't have any money, and they left. Instead, they just ran away knocking over garbage cans.
We got back late to Philly from our NYC adventure. Sleep was easy. Getting up the next day wasn't so easy. I hope the kids didn't mind so much. The puppets were very sleepy, too.
We were on the New Jersey Turnpike, when our van driver decided he was getting tired. He didn't want to pull over, because we were following another vehicle and didn't want to get lost. So, as we were going 70mph, another guy in the front seat said he would switch with him. The second guy got on the lap of the driver as the driver inched out from under him. The switch was made while all of us passengers thought we were going to die. We all had to promise never to tell anyone in the other car what we had done. We were too speechless to say anything to anyone. I do not recommend that procedure to anyone.
We got to the city and began to look around. One of the sites we went to was the World Trade Center. This was 1980, and the WTC had not been up for very long. We went up to the top of one of the towers to their restaurant. We got to look out of the windows, where one could see several states and the harbor. We stood on the railings to look straight down on the city below. After 9/11, I have wondered if anyone working there was killed some 21 years later. I hope not.
We left there and went up towards Broadway. We went to a Theatre shop, and I got an order form for Broadway t-shirts. After I got home, I ordered 3 shirts. I still have them today, although one doesn't fit anymore. The shirts were: NYC Shakespeare Festival, Beatlemania, and I'm Getting My Act Together and Taking It on the Road.
Then, we went to dinner at Mama Leone's in the Theatre District. It was a beautiful Italian restaurant complete with violins. We had a 22-course meal over a 3-hour period. Granted, most of the courses came in small bowls surrounded by the entrée, but they just kept bringing the food. After it was over, I could barely walk. If someone had a hand truck, I would have gladly had them wheel me back to our van. Just as we were leaving the restaurant, some boys tried to rob us, but we told them we didn't have any money, and they left. Instead, they just ran away knocking over garbage cans.
We got back late to Philly from our NYC adventure. Sleep was easy. Getting up the next day wasn't so easy. I hope the kids didn't mind so much. The puppets were very sleepy, too.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Philly
As stated in my previous story, the Singles from First Baptist went on a mission trip to Philadelphia in the summer of 1980 for a week. We left on a Friday afternoon. The weather report said there was a 20% chance of rain. Just as we were getting ready to go, the skies opened and poured the 20% chance of rain. Thankfully, we got most of the stuff loaded up before the storm.
We drove all night and got to Washington DC the next morning. We didn't have much time to sightsee, but we did see the Lincoln Memorial. We headed onto Philadelphia and got there late Saturday afternoon.
We stayed in an old church that was our home base. Their electrical system was a little old. If a girl wanted to dry her hair, she had to announce it, because two hair dryers could blow the circuit. The guys slept in one classroom, and the girls in another. One night, I woke up from sleep to go to the bathroom. I walked into a fly strip hanging from the ceiling. I got a face full of dead flies. I waited until morning to go to the bathroom after that.
One afternoon, two friends and I wanted to walk around the neighborhood. We were near where they filmed "Rocky". All of a sudden, we started hearing popping noises coming from behind us. A guy in a car was shooting a gun toward pedestrians. We ran to a bank. I told the security guard that he needed to call the police. His response to me was that sort of thing happens all the time. Drive by shootings were common place? We had dropped into another world.
Of course, every tourist has to run up the steps at the art museum, just like Rocky did. I had actually done the same thing years before, when I was in Philly in 1972, but this was different. We were all Rocky. The event really isn't all that hard. It is a lot of steps, but they aren't steep. Sorry if I burst anyone's bubble as to the accomplishment or lack thereof.
Another free afternoon, I went into the downtown to go see a movie. That night, we were going to a Phillies baseball game, and I had to be back at the church by 5:30. The movie was over around 4, so I headed to the train station to get the train back to the church. I noticed on the map that there was a red line and a blue line for trains. I couldn't figure out which line I needed, so I asked a man on the platform which train I needed. He told me the blue line. I stood there on the platform waiting for the train, and wondering if he told me the truth, or was he just blowing me off. I decided that it was really the red line I needed, so I got on that one. As it took me out to North Philadelphia, my stop was approaching. The train didn't stop and kept going. I realized that the man was telling the truth, that I really did need the blue line. I got off at the next stop and had to run back over a mile to the church, getting there just as they were leaving to go to the game. I have a problem with trusting people. We got to the game. The Phillies were playing the Reds. The Reds won 14-1. It was one of the worst losses in Phillies's history. That year they went on to win the World Series.
On another free afternoon and evening, we went to Amish country. They really know how to cook. The food was great, but the people didn't want their picture taken by us. One man got very mad and threatened us. One of the cooks told us that carrot cake was an aphrodisiac. I don't know if that is true or was she just trying to sell her cakes.
Our last night there, we decided to do a talent show to amuse ourselves. There was a record at the church of the greatest Motown hits. A girl, a guy, and I got together to mime two Supremes songs--"Stop in the Name of Love" and "Love Child". The girl played Diana Ross, and the guy and I were her backup "singers". I worked out the choreography. We won the show.
As we left the next day, the kids found out when we were leaving. They didn't want us to go. We had made a lot of strong bonds with those children. Some tried to get on our van to get us to take them to SC. As we drove down the street, the kids ran after our van until they couldn't catch up with us. I have often wondered what happened to those kids. I hope they did okay.
We drove all night and got to Washington DC the next morning. We didn't have much time to sightsee, but we did see the Lincoln Memorial. We headed onto Philadelphia and got there late Saturday afternoon.
We stayed in an old church that was our home base. Their electrical system was a little old. If a girl wanted to dry her hair, she had to announce it, because two hair dryers could blow the circuit. The guys slept in one classroom, and the girls in another. One night, I woke up from sleep to go to the bathroom. I walked into a fly strip hanging from the ceiling. I got a face full of dead flies. I waited until morning to go to the bathroom after that.
One afternoon, two friends and I wanted to walk around the neighborhood. We were near where they filmed "Rocky". All of a sudden, we started hearing popping noises coming from behind us. A guy in a car was shooting a gun toward pedestrians. We ran to a bank. I told the security guard that he needed to call the police. His response to me was that sort of thing happens all the time. Drive by shootings were common place? We had dropped into another world.
Of course, every tourist has to run up the steps at the art museum, just like Rocky did. I had actually done the same thing years before, when I was in Philly in 1972, but this was different. We were all Rocky. The event really isn't all that hard. It is a lot of steps, but they aren't steep. Sorry if I burst anyone's bubble as to the accomplishment or lack thereof.
Another free afternoon, I went into the downtown to go see a movie. That night, we were going to a Phillies baseball game, and I had to be back at the church by 5:30. The movie was over around 4, so I headed to the train station to get the train back to the church. I noticed on the map that there was a red line and a blue line for trains. I couldn't figure out which line I needed, so I asked a man on the platform which train I needed. He told me the blue line. I stood there on the platform waiting for the train, and wondering if he told me the truth, or was he just blowing me off. I decided that it was really the red line I needed, so I got on that one. As it took me out to North Philadelphia, my stop was approaching. The train didn't stop and kept going. I realized that the man was telling the truth, that I really did need the blue line. I got off at the next stop and had to run back over a mile to the church, getting there just as they were leaving to go to the game. I have a problem with trusting people. We got to the game. The Phillies were playing the Reds. The Reds won 14-1. It was one of the worst losses in Phillies's history. That year they went on to win the World Series.
On another free afternoon and evening, we went to Amish country. They really know how to cook. The food was great, but the people didn't want their picture taken by us. One man got very mad and threatened us. One of the cooks told us that carrot cake was an aphrodisiac. I don't know if that is true or was she just trying to sell her cakes.
Our last night there, we decided to do a talent show to amuse ourselves. There was a record at the church of the greatest Motown hits. A girl, a guy, and I got together to mime two Supremes songs--"Stop in the Name of Love" and "Love Child". The girl played Diana Ross, and the guy and I were her backup "singers". I worked out the choreography. We won the show.
As we left the next day, the kids found out when we were leaving. They didn't want us to go. We had made a lot of strong bonds with those children. Some tried to get on our van to get us to take them to SC. As we drove down the street, the kids ran after our van until they couldn't catch up with us. I have often wondered what happened to those kids. I hope they did okay.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Puppets
Our church in Columbia was invited to do a Vacation Bible School in Philadelphia, PA in July, 1980. A group of Singles would go. They wanted me to put together a group of 4 puppeteers to present puppet shows to the kids. I had never worked with puppets before, so I took on the challenge.
I had to write five puppet scripts to be performed one each day. Each script was 3 pages long and involved 4 separate characters. Each character had a different personality. 2 guys and 2 girls. Before writing, I researched other scripts to get a feel for how puppets would sound. I then got to work on my scripts. Each one had conflict between the puppets. Each one had to have some humor in them. And, each one had to have a moral lesson. The kids attending would be from pre-school to 6th grade, so the hardest part of writing the scripts was that I had to write them so the youngest ones could understand them, and the older ones wouldn't be bored by them. I also wrote the scripts so that the first day would connect with the second day and build to the third day and so on. So by the fifth day, we concluded with what we had learned the previous days. The stories included topics like stealing, bullying, lying, and more.
I cast 3 other people to perform with me. We each had to practice with our puppets, so that the words out of mouths conformed with the movement of our hands. That was kind of hard at first, but we worked out like rhythms in music. We also found an old refrigerator box that we used to stand behind and put the puppets above the edge of the box. I tried to write the scripts so that each puppeteer didn't have to hold up his or her puppet all during each show. One's arm could get tired.
When we got to Philadelphia, we found that we had two different locations to do the puppet shows, as our group of Singles had two different VBS's. Each location was outside in a schoolyard. We had a van to transport us from one school to the other. When we got to the first school, we had to sweep off broken glass from the area were the kids were going to sit. Apparently, there was some gang activity in the area where we were, and they would party at night. Once we finished at the first school, we would pack up and drive over to the other school to do a show there. Before we started, we once again had to sweep off all of the broken glass. Welcome to inner-city Philadelphia.
All of the kids loved the puppets, although most called them "muppets", because they were used to "Sesame Street". That was okay. Whatever worked for them. The shows were well-received, and my goal to appeal to all of the kids there was a success.
The next few stories will also be on our week-long trip to Philadelphia. Enjoy.
I had to write five puppet scripts to be performed one each day. Each script was 3 pages long and involved 4 separate characters. Each character had a different personality. 2 guys and 2 girls. Before writing, I researched other scripts to get a feel for how puppets would sound. I then got to work on my scripts. Each one had conflict between the puppets. Each one had to have some humor in them. And, each one had to have a moral lesson. The kids attending would be from pre-school to 6th grade, so the hardest part of writing the scripts was that I had to write them so the youngest ones could understand them, and the older ones wouldn't be bored by them. I also wrote the scripts so that the first day would connect with the second day and build to the third day and so on. So by the fifth day, we concluded with what we had learned the previous days. The stories included topics like stealing, bullying, lying, and more.
I cast 3 other people to perform with me. We each had to practice with our puppets, so that the words out of mouths conformed with the movement of our hands. That was kind of hard at first, but we worked out like rhythms in music. We also found an old refrigerator box that we used to stand behind and put the puppets above the edge of the box. I tried to write the scripts so that each puppeteer didn't have to hold up his or her puppet all during each show. One's arm could get tired.
When we got to Philadelphia, we found that we had two different locations to do the puppet shows, as our group of Singles had two different VBS's. Each location was outside in a schoolyard. We had a van to transport us from one school to the other. When we got to the first school, we had to sweep off broken glass from the area were the kids were going to sit. Apparently, there was some gang activity in the area where we were, and they would party at night. Once we finished at the first school, we would pack up and drive over to the other school to do a show there. Before we started, we once again had to sweep off all of the broken glass. Welcome to inner-city Philadelphia.
All of the kids loved the puppets, although most called them "muppets", because they were used to "Sesame Street". That was okay. Whatever worked for them. The shows were well-received, and my goal to appeal to all of the kids there was a success.
The next few stories will also be on our week-long trip to Philadelphia. Enjoy.
Monday, August 28, 2017
WIS
One job I applied for was at WIS TV. They were looking for a host for a news segment called "The Palmetto Traveler". The concept was that the person would travel around South Carolina and tell about historical sites that viewers may not know about or interesting out of the way places of interest. I was not well-versed in television work at that time. I did take a course in seminary on TV production, but that was all. I had already turned down a production job for Pat Robertson, but I thought I would give this a shot.
My father was a huge South Carolina history buff, and he had instilled (or rather hammered) it into me. The news director at WIS was very impressed with my knowledge of SC, but I had to do a final screen test. They wanted to see how I would look on camera, as well as interviewing a subject. I didn't do too good, so I didn't get the job. The person who got it was a Drama teacher at USC. He didn't last too long with it. They should have gotten me.
My father was a huge South Carolina history buff, and he had instilled (or rather hammered) it into me. The news director at WIS was very impressed with my knowledge of SC, but I had to do a final screen test. They wanted to see how I would look on camera, as well as interviewing a subject. I didn't do too good, so I didn't get the job. The person who got it was a Drama teacher at USC. He didn't last too long with it. They should have gotten me.
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
Census 1980
In 1980, I was out of work and needed a job. One that wouldn't be a problem for my back. I heard about the Federal government hiring to take the 1980 Census, so I applied. I was initially hired as an enumerator, who was one that went out into the field, but things quickly changed. The man in charge was a friend of my brother's, so I got a job as the assistant in the Special Places Department. Our offices were on the 7th floor of the Strom Thurmond Federal Building. I say "offices", but it was really one giant room with a bunch of files and a lot of desks.
On my first day, I had to take an oath to protect the country from people without and within. I asked who those people were, and they told me bad people. I think the oath now replaces without and within with enemies foreign and domestic. That makes more sense. Without and within what? That bothered me.
Special Places were those places were people lived that wasn't permanent. Schools, Hospitals, Homeless, Lodging, and other places. The goal was to count everyone, wherever they were, on one date. I was in charge of supervising enumerators who went to the colleges. We had a five-county area that we were in charge of. There were a lot of students to count. The enumerators were paid on the number of forms they gave out. I had one guy who went into a dorm and just dropped the forms on the floor. He came back and said he had delivered them to the students. A dorm counselor called me to complain that the census forms were all over the floor in the lobby. We fired that guy.
Another one of my jobs was to call every motel and hotel in the five-county area to ask what they charged for a night. The amount was important, because it depended on how the place was classified. I called one motel in Columbia, and they asked me if I wanted the hourly rate or the nightly rate. I told her nightly, and she said to take the hourly rate and multiply it by 8. Classy place. I also had the ability to send out US Marshals to a place that didn't comply with my questions. I called one motel, and the woman on the other end refused to give me the information. I told her that I would send the Marshals to her motel, and she said that I should go ahead an send them. So, I did. About an hour later, she called me back and told me that she thought I was kidding, and she gladly gave me the information I needed. Force works.
I also had the job of finding out why people had not paid their taxes in 7 years or more. Most of these people lived in rural areas. I learned how to find people. This was before the internet, so I had to get good at finding people. In the smaller towns, one could find names of people close to the name that I was looking for. Most of them were related to one another, or they knew them. I called one number and got hold of a woman. I asked her if her husband was home, and she told me that he had gone. I asked her when he would be back, and then she started crying. She yelled out that he was dead and hung up the phone. I didn't know that "gone" meant "dead". I do now.
Federal government work was fun but also hard. We only got thirty minutes for lunch, which was almost impossible to handle. Restaurants were few and far between. One of our workers was named Margaret. She had a convertible. She and I went to a restaurant across town and were back within 30 minutes. She ran all of the lights. Another guy I worked with was named Billy. He made things light with his jokes. Our job was high-pressure, so the lighter you made it the better.
Toward the end of the counting, we had cities and towns in the area go over our numbers. There was a formula that each person counted would go toward how much federal dollars they would get. It was something like $1500/person. Most areas agreed with our counting, but the city of Columbia didn't. They went over our figures and found discrepancies, so I had to go back over the numbers and our maps to determine what was correct. One place that the city claimed was a house was actually a dugout at a softball field. It got rather contentious. Going back and forth with them. We finally settled on a figure that was about 2000 more people than originally.
My responsibilities involved dealing with some very sensitive information. It was high-security. After working there 8 months, my boss called me into his office and asked me if I had filled out a security checklist. I had not, so they ran a security check on me. Fingerprints. The works. About a week later, he called me back into his office and told me that I was being let go. I failed the security check. Why? Because of my FBI file in Washington about my anti-war activities some 9 years earlier. So, for 8 months, I had been around very sensitive material. Now, I couldn't. I was told to shred all of my documents before leaving, but then Columbia tried to sue for more people. All of my notes were gone. Sorry, Columbia.
On my first day, I had to take an oath to protect the country from people without and within. I asked who those people were, and they told me bad people. I think the oath now replaces without and within with enemies foreign and domestic. That makes more sense. Without and within what? That bothered me.
Special Places were those places were people lived that wasn't permanent. Schools, Hospitals, Homeless, Lodging, and other places. The goal was to count everyone, wherever they were, on one date. I was in charge of supervising enumerators who went to the colleges. We had a five-county area that we were in charge of. There were a lot of students to count. The enumerators were paid on the number of forms they gave out. I had one guy who went into a dorm and just dropped the forms on the floor. He came back and said he had delivered them to the students. A dorm counselor called me to complain that the census forms were all over the floor in the lobby. We fired that guy.
Another one of my jobs was to call every motel and hotel in the five-county area to ask what they charged for a night. The amount was important, because it depended on how the place was classified. I called one motel in Columbia, and they asked me if I wanted the hourly rate or the nightly rate. I told her nightly, and she said to take the hourly rate and multiply it by 8. Classy place. I also had the ability to send out US Marshals to a place that didn't comply with my questions. I called one motel, and the woman on the other end refused to give me the information. I told her that I would send the Marshals to her motel, and she said that I should go ahead an send them. So, I did. About an hour later, she called me back and told me that she thought I was kidding, and she gladly gave me the information I needed. Force works.
I also had the job of finding out why people had not paid their taxes in 7 years or more. Most of these people lived in rural areas. I learned how to find people. This was before the internet, so I had to get good at finding people. In the smaller towns, one could find names of people close to the name that I was looking for. Most of them were related to one another, or they knew them. I called one number and got hold of a woman. I asked her if her husband was home, and she told me that he had gone. I asked her when he would be back, and then she started crying. She yelled out that he was dead and hung up the phone. I didn't know that "gone" meant "dead". I do now.
Federal government work was fun but also hard. We only got thirty minutes for lunch, which was almost impossible to handle. Restaurants were few and far between. One of our workers was named Margaret. She had a convertible. She and I went to a restaurant across town and were back within 30 minutes. She ran all of the lights. Another guy I worked with was named Billy. He made things light with his jokes. Our job was high-pressure, so the lighter you made it the better.
Toward the end of the counting, we had cities and towns in the area go over our numbers. There was a formula that each person counted would go toward how much federal dollars they would get. It was something like $1500/person. Most areas agreed with our counting, but the city of Columbia didn't. They went over our figures and found discrepancies, so I had to go back over the numbers and our maps to determine what was correct. One place that the city claimed was a house was actually a dugout at a softball field. It got rather contentious. Going back and forth with them. We finally settled on a figure that was about 2000 more people than originally.
My responsibilities involved dealing with some very sensitive information. It was high-security. After working there 8 months, my boss called me into his office and asked me if I had filled out a security checklist. I had not, so they ran a security check on me. Fingerprints. The works. About a week later, he called me back into his office and told me that I was being let go. I failed the security check. Why? Because of my FBI file in Washington about my anti-war activities some 9 years earlier. So, for 8 months, I had been around very sensitive material. Now, I couldn't. I was told to shred all of my documents before leaving, but then Columbia tried to sue for more people. All of my notes were gone. Sorry, Columbia.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)