Teachers

  Whatever you think is what you want to do in life, a teacher can come along and steer you into another direction.  You may not even realize it at the time, but they can be more objective that you and see talents that you might not even know about.  I have written about my Drama teachers before, as they related to a school I was attending, but I wanted to take this story to feature them all together as a steppingstone to better days.

 Catherine Eaker was at Columbia College.  I was part of a group of high school students from all over Columbia who were chosen to take college-level courses in Theatre and then put on a play.  To this day, I still don't know why I was selected.  The only Drama I had done to that point were a couple of Christmas plays in school.  I learned a lot from her.  She taught me how to work with an ensemble and be believable in my character.  After I got grown, she invited me back to do a Children's play at Columbia College, where I had the lead.  It was a terrifying experience, but she saw that I could do it well.  She was always patient with me, and she put me on that road to better days.

 Everett Vivian was the Speech and Drama teacher at Anderson College.  By the time I got to college, I wanted to major in English and be a writer, but a twist of fate got me into their Drama program.  To be perfectly honest, I felt I knew more about Theatre than him, but he was a good director and got be involved in pretty much everything related to Speech and Drama.  I did learn something about backstage work from him, and also that one doesn't have to do the lead role every time.

 Dale Rains was my Drama teacher at Presbyterian College for my junior year.  I had come into PC from Anderson as being the best in my class.  When I got Dr. Rains, I found that there were actors as good as me or better.  I had to wait my turn to go on the stage and show what I could do.  I did backstage work on two productions, before he let me do my thing.  He taught me a lot about character development.

 Skelly Warren was my Drama teacher at PC for my senior year, as Dr. Rains went on sabbatical.  Skelly was a disciplinarian, which didn't sit well with a lot of us Theatre students who were more free-spirited.  He did teach me about concentration and blocking out everything around you.  He also taught me a valuable lesson.  If you know that you are perfect for a part, you may find out that the director has other plans for you and give you another role that is better.  

 Paula Brooks was my Communications teacher at Southwestern Seminary.  She mostly focused on public speaking, but we worked together to do Religious Drama.  She got permission from the seminary to do a Communications major, and I was the first person to do that.  She and I developed the courses needed for that major, and we did four presentations during my time at that school.  

 In each case, my teachers propelled me forward to do better and to learn more.  They have gone on to Heaven, but I relish the time I had with each one to make me a better actor.  And, I can feel their presence in my heart and mind in making me the best person at what I do in my life.

Question

  I have been struggling with a question:  Who Am I?  It is pretty easy for someone to answer that question about me, but it is very difficult for me to answer it about myself.  It really depends on who you ask, and what part of my life have they known me.  I have friends from 60+ years ago, and some I have recently met.  I hate first impressions.  I also hate assumptions.  For those who have known me a long time, they may not know everything about me.  I have tried for the last ten years, that I have been writing my life story on this blog, to explain who I was and am now.  By devoting the majority of my life to creating a persona that people will like, it makes it very complicated for me to know who I really am as a person.  Some of that persona involved masks.  Some of it involved being different characters.  Some of it involved not being true to myself and others.  So, let's peel back the onion that is my life.

 Some have seen me as a churchgoing person.  I grew up in the church from the day I was born, literally.  My father was a minister, and my mother was a Sunday School teacher.  That part of my life afforded me with some opportunities that others didn't have.  I guess you could say I was blessed to have a family like I had.

 I was also a hippie.  I was an anti-war activist during the Vietnam War era. Just ask the FBI and CIA about that. I did drugs and got drunk a lot.  There were times that I don't know how I got home or how I didn't get arrested.

 I was (and still am) a writer.  I wrote commercials, poems, dramas, short stories, a partial novel, puppet shows, songs, and some blogs.  In many ways, those things were an escape for me from the hardships of life.  I also found that I could communicate to others in a meaningful way.  

 Some people perceived me as a great actor.  I am not going to argue that impression of me.  I can't do that much anymore due to my loss of stamina, but it also helped me escape into a character other than myself.  

 Thanks to learning a trade, I became a retail genius.  Everything I touched and sold in retail stores was a success.  My bosses liked me for doing it, but maybe not enough to pay me for what I was worth to them.  

 There are some things I am not proud of.  I hurt some people.  I could not have a real relationship with women, because I was afraid of commitment. I lied to people.  I spread rumors about people.  I was undisciplined about my life.  I enjoyed pornography.  I sold bootlegged music and videos.  I had a rich fantasy life, especially when it involved relationships. I became homeless, although that was a good thing for me.

 So, who am I now?  I am an advocate for those without a voice in this world.  I am a political junkie. I sell collectibles (eBay, Amazon and Discogs).  I suffer from depression, anxiety and lung issues.  I am still painfully shy, although I try not to let that control me all of the time.  I am loyal to my friends, and I try to treat everyone equally.  Most of all, I am a Christian.  God saved me from killing myself 16 years ago, as He prepared me for my next chapter of my life.  I may be classified as poor economically, but I am rich in Spirit. He has given me humility and not take credit for any good that I do.  I know that I have some God-given talents that have made me who I am, as others see me.  He has kept me alive for a reason.  That is why I am now.  And hopefully, I can continue that for Him a while longer.

Television

  I have done a lot of television.  Some were filmed projects, and others were interviews. With the filmed projects, they were done similarly to films, only quicker.  The interviews were done much quicker, consisting of a few minutes to maybe a half hour.  When doing television, you kind of know who the target audience will be.  Movies could be seen by a wide range of people.  Television is more specific.

 When I did educational programs for 8th grade History classes, we knew who would see it.  The filming was professional but shot only in a couple of days.  There were some continuity issues, but we figured that 8th graders probably wouldn't see them.  If it has been a movie, those issues might have been fixed or maybe not.  Another educational show I was involved in was quite rigorous, because it was being filmed for a wider audience.  The continuity was grueling and meticulous, but it had to be that way for accuracy.  The filming also went on for a couple of weeks, because it was like a TV movie.  Had it been a movie, a couple of weeks would have turned into a couple of months.  The key to doing that kind of TV is to know to do the same thing in the same way, much like movies.  You don't want to show up on a blooper reel years later.

 Interviews are a lot harder.  If it is a short interview, you had better know the points you want to make and anticipate the questions posed to you.  A successful interview will work if there is some chemistry between the two parties. It also works, if the interview is edited by the interviewer before broadcast.  However, there are times when that is not possible.  Live interviews or live to tape are the hardest.  You still have points in your mind about what you want to say, but the interviewer might throw you a curveball and ask something you had not prepared for.  Thinking on your feet (or in a chair) is hard, but you can't panic.  You take a breath and then answer the question.  Hopefully, it will sound okay.  In one interview, they had told me the subjects that would be covered.  I had time to think about my answers.  Then, right before closing the interview, they asked me a question that I had not prepared for.  I couldn't just blow it off, so I came up with a profound answer.  At least, they thought so.  My relaxation techniques worked very well in that situation.

 Just as in film, you can't think about how many people would see you on TV.  Just do your job, and everything will fit into place.  I am ultra-critical about what I do or say on TV, films or plays.  That is how I get better.  No matter how many accolades I can get from an audience, I know I can always be better. I am a perfectionist.  That can be good or bad.  The key is to learn from the bad and accept the good.  And maybe, your ego won't be so big that you can't fit it in a room, like mine used to be.

Films

  "We deal in illusion".  A camera operator on the film "The Midnight Man" told me after removing a false wall to get a shot from a different direction in a scene.  Some movies are shot in less than a month.  You can usually tell, because the quality of the films isn't very good.  The ones I did took at least two months or more.

 A movie is obviously quite different from a play.  When doing a play, there is a lot of rehearsal time spread out over weeks.  The reasoning behind a long rehearsal is that you are going to do the play live, and you don't have the ability to stop a scene because somebody messed up.  In a film, the rehearsal time is much shorter.  Maybe even just before shooting the scene.  If someone messes up, like Halle Berry did in a scene for "The Program" (22 takes), the director can stop filming and reset the scene.  

 There is also a lot of waiting around while doing a movie.  The cameras and lighting have to be set just right.  They have to test the microphones before the actors arrive.  It is a very laborious process.  So, what do the actors do while waiting to film a scene?  Some study their lines. Some sit around and tell stories about previous films they had done.  Some take naps.  It can actually be quite boring in between shots.  "Hurry up and wait" is the mantra in film production.

 The movies I did were not reliant on special effects.  There were stunts that had to be choreographed so no one would get hurt, but realism was very important.  No computer-generated effects.  The only unusual special effect that was used in "The Program" was a camera mounted on the inside of a football helmet to have the audience see what the runner was seeing in a game.  They said that was the first time that had ever been done on film. 

 An actor has no control as to how a film will turn out.  That is the job of the editor.  You might think might have been in the best movie of your career, but then it comes out, and it stinks.  Some of your best work ends up on the cutting room floor.  I was in two good scenes in "Chattahoochee" that didn't make it into the film.  That's just the way it goes.  Sometimes, those scenes are put back in the "director's cut" on DVD but not always.  

 All in all, a good movie is a joy to work on with very professional people (for the most part).  There needs to be more independent films made without the big budgets.  Money often times do not produce quality films.  As an actor, I would much prefer to work with great actors and small budgets than terrible actors with huge budgets.  I have been fortunate to do the former than the latter.

Cars

  I loved everyone in our youth group at Kilbourne Park Baptist Church.  During the summer of 1970, we took a trip to Six Flags Over Georgia outside Atlanta.  Our youth leader wanted us to pair off so no one would get lost.  So, Craig and I paired off with Pam and Gail.  We were going to do everything together.  

 When we got to one ride, Craig and I thought we would get sick on it, so we told Pam and Gail that we would meet them at the exit.  We got over to that spot, but we missed them getting off of the ride.  We looked around for them, but they were nowhere to be seen.  A little panic set in.  Where were they?  We had waited for them.  

 So, Craig and I set out on a quest to find them.  We walked all around the park with no success.  We passed up on a lot of rides looking for them.  After we got lunch, we looked for them some more.  All of a sudden, we passed by a ride made up of cars on a track, and we saw them in one of those cars.  We yelled out to them, and they waved back.  We waited at the exit of that ride and reconnected with the girls.  

 As we were talking to them about where they had been, it turned out that they had been looking for us going around in circles in the park.  At one point, we had reversed our course to see if we would run into them.  They had done the same thing, so we were just following one another around the park.  They got tired of doing that and went on the ride.

 By the time we got back together, it was time to leave the park.  We didn't go on many rides, but our walking gave us a map in our brains where everything was.  If we had stayed in one place, we probably would have run into one another sooner.  Oh well.

Stage

  My first taste of working in a play was in kindergarten, where I played a wise man in a Christmas pageant.  I was very shy and really didn't like being in front of people.  As I got older, I learned to love the stage.  The applause was like taking a drug.  It made me feel incredibly high.  If I got a standing ovation, I was over the moon.  I have already written about my God-given talent for acting, so I wanted to write about the stage.

 I was trained to be an actor without a microphone.  I could project my voice to the last row of a theatre without seeming like I was shouting.  It was a lot easier in a more intimate setting like having the audience surround you and a theater with only a hundred seats, but the basic skills were the same.  When I started acting with a microphone, I found it to be a lot more difficult.  I had been using my voice in a broader way, and now it could be more subtle.  That was hard to get used to.

 One thing I was good at was developing a character.  You are given a script and some lines, but the rest of the development is up to you.  Who is the person you are portraying?  What are his likes and dislikes?  Where did he grow up?  Who were his parents?  Where did he go to school, if he went?  What part of the world did he grow up?  Is he married?  If so, to whom?  There are a lot of questions about a character that are not written in a script.  The job of the actor is to make the character believable to the audience.  Maybe that character is someone that the audience can identify with.  The main thing you have to do in character development is to find something in that person that the actor can identify with.  A memory or emotion from your past that can give depth to the character.  

 One thing I was not so good at was memorizing lines in the script.  If the character has been fleshed out, the words can come a little easier.  I found the best way for me to memorize lines was to repeat them over and over again until they came more natural for my character.  If I flubbed a line on stage, I learned to cover it.  I used to tell students not to freeze up, because then the audience would know you made a mistake.  Stay focused on the character and say something the character would say in the moment, until you found your way back to the script.  The key here is that the audience probably does not have a copy of the script in front of them, so the lines could briefly be your own.

 Now we come to nerves.  I admit that I have terrible stage fright.  I always have.  The anticipation of going on stage is incredibly scary for me.  It is all about my shyness.  Some people say that you are only as good as your last role.  What if the audience doesn't like me?  What if I forget my lines?  What if I hear crickets in the audience?  What if I have to throw up (which I have done) before going on stage? There are couple of things I have done before going on stage.  The first is to get the nervousness out of my body by doing exercises.  It could be yoga or jumping around or muscle relaxation. Whatever is needed at the time to get my energy in the right place.  The second thing I do is meditation.  I would find an empty room offstage and make it as dark as possible.  I would think about my first line that I needed to present.  I would clear my head of negative thoughts and say a prayer.  "Lord, give me the strength to do a good job.  Give me courage to go out onto the stage.  Give me clarity of thought and mind. Thank you for giving me this talent that I am about to use, and may someone receive a blessing from my work. Amen".  After saying that prayer, I know that I will do my best.  When I get out on stage, and say my first line, all of the nerves go away.  I turn nervousness into energy.

 Here are a couple tricks of the trade.  If you have a mirror onstage, put hair spray on the glass.  The spotlights won't reflect in the glass and blind the actors or the audience.  Another is to put a fine layer of water in an ashtray.  If someone is putting out a cigarette onstage, the water will keep it from having residual smoke rising from the ashtray and be distracting to the audience. 

 Stage work can be very hard.  You are in front of an audience without a net.  No second takes.  Not all actors can be good on the stage.  Just like not all stage actors can be good in other mediums like film or TV.  It just takes practice.  I have had a lot of practice.

Newberry

  In my effort to find a teaching position after graduating from seminary, I was sending out a lot of letters to colleges asking to teach Speech or Drama.  I had a master's degree, and a lot of experience in both subjects.  I would get the same letter back from the colleges.  It would say:  "Thank you for your interest. We don't have any openings right now, but we will keep your letter on file for six months in case something opens up."

 After the fiasco with Blue Mountain College in Mississippi, which you can read about in a previous story, I was getting the idea that no one wanted me.  I had found out that the seminary wouldn't recommend me for a job, so I had moved on to other things.  One day, I got a phone call from Newberry College in Newberry, SC.  I had sent them one of my letters but had forgotten all about it.  They wanted me to come to Newberry to teach a night class on Public Speaking.  They told me I would be an adjunct professor.  

 I was flattered by their offer.  It would be a good way to get my feet in the door, and maybe they would give me a full-time position at some point.  There was a problem, though.  Newberry was 45 miles from Columbia, and I would be going and coming in the dark to that college.  I thought about wildlife maybe hitting my car, and the cost of gas, so I thanked them and declined.  Surely, there would be another college that would ask me to come teach, which would be closer to where I lived.  No one else called.  Outside of the work I did at Columbia College judging high school speech and drama students, I haven't taught in a college.  It is what I was trained to do, and why I got my M.A. degree.  

 In looking at it in the moment, I failed at my objective to teach in a college or university.  However, I realized later on that could have been a stagnant place for me to be.  My experiences in life of doing theatre, movies, television, retail, and other jobs gave me more variety without the boredom of doing the same thing every day.  They say that variety is the spice of life.  I guess that's true.